heart broken life

some days i feel
like the life i'm living is so unreal
unfair at times i cry many tears
smiling many times to hide my fears
reaching out trying to touch
just a piece of living a life that is easy
sometimes my face hurts from forcing my smile so much
some days i think if only my life
if only my life were easier to live
but then i would not be who I am
and live where i live
i realize that though my life seems unfair
that there is a reason im there
i pray more when i hurt
or struggle with life
and wonder if i would be as close to God
without pain in my life
i constantly thank God for the little things
and wonder if i would care
if i could buy what my heart desires
if i could have loves touch every night of my life
to be held each night by one
until we die
i have thought about how lucky
one is to see their lover pass
after a life time of loving, friendship, and laughs
lucky that they had only one
one person to light up their world
and then again my single
world comes rushing in
reminding me that though I do not have one true love
I have loved and lost
a few times it has cost
my heart a little piece
but never will i quit
searching for it